i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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