i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
