My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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