I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
