moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
