So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
