So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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