we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Panties = found
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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