"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
now i know why i became what i already was.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize