WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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