All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
