I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
love makes seman taste better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
