Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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