i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
