she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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