Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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