it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
