she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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