I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
