One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
