Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
