there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
