Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
