sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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