I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
