FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
