My liver just broke up with me...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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