I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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