im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
