I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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