Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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