dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry about my life...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
