So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
