Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
