Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
