im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
