He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
