I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
