dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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