Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
