It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
