What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
