i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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