but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
