So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
