I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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