It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
