Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
