I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
