I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
