and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
