3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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