I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
