dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
