Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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