I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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