Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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