Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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