hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
