i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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