Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
