I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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