Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
